I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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