Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
