OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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