i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
