he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
