we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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