I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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