i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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