I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
honey bunches of taint.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
