Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
