last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
