Nicole vs. Life
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
