This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
