dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
