Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
