Umm I'm too high to move.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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