my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
