My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
