Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
