youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
