can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
