he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
