porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
BRING THE BAGELS
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
