Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
