Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
