i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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