he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Randomize
