The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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