3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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