i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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