I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
