The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
