If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
