You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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