We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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