it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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