Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
