he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
