I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize