I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
