she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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