she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
