I think I am morally bankrupt
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
