I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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