just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
