He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
