Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
