remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It's never too late to be topless.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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