that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
