In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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