Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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