I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
