i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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