life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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