I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you traded sex for a burrito?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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