Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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