if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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