big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
