I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I smell stomach acid.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
