I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
she smelled like a LAN party
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
