Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
