Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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