just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
