How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
