I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
