I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
