Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Randomize
