My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
