He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
you inspire me to be a worse person
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
