When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
