Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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