I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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