The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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