I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
