You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
