i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Your penis caused this!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize