I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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