When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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