dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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